Rebound

It’s been over a week since I had my first treatment. I can’t express how happy I feel to have passed that milestone.

Honestly though it wasn’t as bad as I thought.

When I’ve heard about or think about someone undergoing chemotherapy I have always imagined the worst. Namely, if they aren’t walking among us with their turban and pasty skin they are in bed on the brink of death.

Don’t get me wrong, chemo is certainly no walk in the park. It’s poison, there’s no way around that. After the chemo drugs leave your body, in about 2 days, your body is left to recover from the damage. And from what I know about these drugs, that damage is nuclear.

My body, the one who has been working tirelessly on my behalf day and night to keep this cancer contained in the best way it could, now has to deal with the effects of these toxic drugs.

These drugs though also happen to be what I have to endure in order to be cured. So I’ll take them. Willingly, lovingly and give my body every grace she deserves to help her, help me.

And what grace looks like today are the simplest of things: rest, nourishment and time with my family. Internally though it’s been about developing a practice of receiving love. In all its forms: meals, kind words, good thoughts, prayers, hugs, company and companionship. It’s not easy for me, but I’m soaking it all in. Letting you all help me and hold me in all these ways so I can heal.

The gratitude I feel and the love that I feel is indescribable. When someone shows up for you in the moment when you need it most, that is medicine; the best medicine. You all are my medicine and your love is helping me give myself the space I need to heal.

This time next year I will be cancer free and it will be in part because of you. And you. And you, and you. And for this I am eternally grateful.

Love and Muah and Namaste
(my spirit bows to the spirit within you)