Let's talk a little more about my breasts

When you're diagnosed with breast cancer what you don't realize is how much time you'll spend talking about your breasts. I have, in fact, spent so much time talking about my breasts that its a subject I'm rather tired of. 

Today however I will have to spend just a little more time on this topic. This may be the most important conversation that I'll have because I'm seeing a woman who will, hopefully, reconstruct my body after I've had my breast removed next week.

You know what they say, when life gives you lemons, made lemonade. Or, you know, grapefruit-ade, or melon-ade. Or whatever. 

That Funny Feeling

Peripheral Neuropathy = my internal alarm clock alerting me that I haven’t rested enough. Good times.

Slow and Low

                                     

On more than one occasion I've found myself realizing I'm done with chemo. Then, right after that, I realize I'm smiling. Then after that, I realize I need a nap.

Mainly because when you finish chemo it doesn't finish with you. The side effects may last up to a year. 

Yea, you read that right, one year. The nastier ones last much longer but hopefully that doesn't apply for me.

So friends, I'm taking it easy and will be for a while.

 In other words, if you can't find me, I'm outside laying on my lounge chair with my priorities straight. 

Up and up

I'm feeling better and better everyday. Taking good care and preparing myself for surgery, mentally and physically.

Prayers and good vibes welcomed as I move through these next couple weeks.

Post-Chemo Party

Want to have a fun party? Take chemo for 6 months and then have your last treatment. 

Afterward, you'll feel like dancing from a rooftop and sitting next to every woman at the table all at the same time. Consume mass amounts of special sushi, pork buns and Korean BBQ wings. Sprinkle in some kale salad for good measure. 

Skip desert and bring all the ladies back to your place. Drinks, loud laughter and hanging by the fire pit will be sweeter than anything served on a plate.

Women Gathering - Anju Edition

Very unexpectedly, the women who supported you every step of the way on this shitty journey will gift you with special things to commemorate this milestone. You never understood the significance of planting a tree for these or other occasions. But suddenly, you get it and you love it.

Am I old enough to have a tree? Yes, yes I am

Art meets love meets your breast cancer in this beautiful piece by the amazingly talented Erin. She will give you this and you'll feel so lucky its yours. Finally you get to put your hands all over her work because it calls out to be touched. The texture of the painted surfaces and the naked surfaces feel beautiful. You blush a little when you touch it, given its shape.

To see more of this beautiful work, go here

You won't forget to celebrate with the person who found your cancer, subsequently saving your life. The person who is there for you when your cuddle-o-meter is alarmingly low. You know that this value doesn't show up on your weekly labs when you go for treatment, but you do know that when these numbers get low, look out.

So you'll put on the dress he bought for you and wait for him to get ready to.

Then, just like that, you'll be eating oysters by candle light. Holding hands and admiring the views. In that moment, you're not really celebrating anything at all. And at the same time you're celebrating everything. 

No more chemo, start of summer, patio refurb, generally feeling blissed

Then, when you wake up the next day, you'll feel so blessed. You know that even though you have many more milestones to go before you leave this particular path, life is good where you are. Right now your life is everything you have always wanted. Plus more. 

Indeed it is

What I Want

I want to run a marathon,

or maybe,

do a century bike ride,

or maybe check in with my trainer,

'what up fool?'

I want to go to the city,

drink champagne,

dance all night. 

I want it to be hot

so I can wear my summer skirt

on a date to an outdoor show.

Then go for a drink,

then home for dessert.

I want to learn to:

embroider, 

Swing dance, 

find the good stuff. 

I want to go out to dinner, 

with you,

to a place we both like.

I want to listen to how you love

your passport photo,

sun ripened peaches,

and sea stones.

Instead, I'm at home.

Looking out the window,

wearing a brown hat.

The calendar says spring, 

but the sky is grey.

The heat clicks on now and then.

My body was sick.

It's better now, I guess. 

But the drugs take me away,

and I'm afraid I won't get back in time

for all of it.

Maybe I won't come back at all.

In which case, send me a postcard.

With a photo of you on the front,

eating a peach, standing by the ocean.

Ho-Hum-Hibernate

As you may have noticed, things have been pretty quiet here. Treatments every week have been a bit of a slog.

It's been going like this: chemo, recovery, catch-up, repeat. It feels like I'm in a kind of hibernation. Keeping it simple; focusing on those things in front of me which are most important. All while trying to ignore the myriad of shitty side effects brought on by the chemo.

I do have a couple posts rolling around in my head though. Those may make their appearance if they get insistent enough. We'll see.

Do check back on May 24th, the day after my last treatment, so you can read all about how happy I am do be done with chemo.

Until next time, Love and Muah


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