There so much I want to say, out loud.
Things that I was forbidden to say as a child. It was a sign
of the times that my mother and grandmother expressly told me to never share my
story with anyone. It’s not that you did anything
wrong, they said, you didn’t,
they said, but all the same, don’t talk about what happened, even to us.
I know what they were doing – trying to protect me – but it had
the opposite effect, it made me feel worse. More broken, smaller, powerless. I
felt isolated and alone in my own family.
Like anything on or in us that’s sick, it won’t go away by pretending
it’s not there. It gets worse. And not just metaphorically, but physically. An
accidental landmark study called, The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE)Study, done from 1995-1997 identified the link between childhood trauma and
disease in the body.
This study determined that childhood trauma effects the body
in 3 ways:
- Self-medicating - smoking, overeating, drinking, drugs and sex offer immediate relief, but carry with them long-term risks
- Unrelieved Stress – chronic, major, unrelieved stress on certain areas of the brain that control our immune systems and inflammatory responses play a major role in presentation of diseases
- DNA Changes – this is perhaps the most surprising: genes can change throughout the lifecycle, and childhood trauma wakes up and alters markers in your genes that cause diseases
When I was going through treatment for cancer a wise friend
said, “Cancer is anger manifested as disease,” and that was something I spent a long time
reflecting on. After discovering this study, that statement feels even truer.
Or rather, it feels true that we are what we carry, wins and wounds.
There’s so much I want to say out loud, so I guess I’ll
start with this: there’s a crack in everything, its how the light gets in.
More to follow.
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